Him

 I have avoided writing about you because I don't know where to start. I don't know which version of you I need to let go first. The most likely answer is the version of you that I still love. How I can continue to love a man who commits such cynical acts is beyond me. The things you have done form a knot in my stomach the size of your fist and makes my throat swell up. You live your life just as any other person but not just any person has the past that you do. You have the power to chew up and spit out women as an Olympic sport. You have the power to leave my insides cowering in a corner too afraid to make a move. You have the power to turn my heart against me and put my mind at war. You have the power to create your own version of events, in confidence that your story will be heard first. You have the power to erase the person I was to you and manifest her new, a perfect reflection of your perfect disaster. 

And still I love you 

I love you 

I love you 

Or at least I loved you

You and your many twisted ways 

You and the power that you barely know you have 

That's what scares me the most about you. You commit these acts of vulgarity in a blink of an eye. Not a single thought in your mind aside from your own want, your own pain. You commit these acts of hate in the dark. Blindly following the man in the shadows.