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When faith turns to hope

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  “Best places for single parents to live” “Best jobs for a single mother to have” “Jobs that pay well with just a certificate” I’m in the hole again Googling everything that comes to mind with the potential to bring me guidance “How to make an extra $1,000 a month” “How to make extra money in a way that suits me” It's familiar here I dug this hole myself and I visit frequently furnishing her piece by piece  Sitting on the line of my life unsure of which direction will lead to fulfillment   The difference between faith and hope becoming blurry  “Faith; complete trust or confidence in something” “Hope; A feeling of expectation and desire for something to happen” Was it wrong of me to have faith that with the right intentions, hard work and dedication life would fall into place? Or was I blinded by the hope that overtime the things that kept my mother and I bound to poverty would release me   I hoped that her burdens would not become mine  I had faith that I could do better, I could
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Darkness submerges our being from head to toe leaving a trail of broken minds and lost souls  Our reality is not one of truth or kindness but one of greed and deception  The brightest star of us all cannot shine under the pressure of a looming black hole 
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Lost childhood

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  I feel like I am a puzzle that sits at the bottom of an old toy chest; the kids don’t use it anymore so it’s up in the attic. The kids grew up and every now and then they bring out the toy chest for their own kids. Only when they bring the old chest back down, they remember that some of the pieces to their favorite puzzle are missing. So they bring out all of the other toys but they lay the puzzle back at the bottom of the chest. Maybe one day, they say, because they just don't have time to find the missing pieces.
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Faithfulness

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  I must not hold out for those whose hearts do not seek my own. If I breathe for you, you must breathe for me. We are one of a greater whole, I feel sorry for those who do not see it this way. Those who are incapable of truly valuing the space someone may take up in your life. The fulfillment they may bring when given the proper chance. We all just want to be treated with care, to be touched by kindness, to be seen in the dark, to be held through despair without being looked at as something that is broken or bruised. To be accepted where we are but also pushed to be the best we can be. We all deserve someone who is willing to help us be ourselves to the fullest, for whatever that means; but I will no longer be that person for a stranger with a familiar face. I will not withstand their blows as they disregard my abilities. They do not see me in the dark but from my darkness they can be seen. A gift I will no longer be sharing so willingly.  
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War

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  Her Mind is at war with itself, Two sides of the same jagged edge Half yearns for peace, The other craves destruction  An enslaved soul forced to bind to society,  With no desire to make the decisions  Having the knowledge that this world, Cannot thrive on the foundation man has built  
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Self Betrayal

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  I am closing a long chapter tonight. A chapter of pain and a chapter of fear. I will no longer project my insecurities and fear onto those around me. I will not place blame for the life I fear was stolen from me. I will build myself up until my cup is overflowing and share the love that I made for myself. THAT is who I am, not the bitter voice in the back of my mind who places blame and spreads negativity through crude words. I will not lower myself to a place similar to that again. We deserve better from each other. My insecurity around unstable love spreads through me like wildfire and embodies a version of myself I do not wish to know. She does not get to represent me to this world and he who is unsure will not hold power over my emotions. I am much too brave, too smart, too beautiful, too full of love to let a man with unknown intentions tip the cup I have poured for myself. I will not betray me again.
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One night stand

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  How do I tell you that I've seen the depths of your soul that you yourself have yet to experience and that with that said I will leave you with a Kiss on your head and lingering feelings we can't quite explain   
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